Blog by Sybil
I never really loved the house I’m about to leave. There. I
said wrote it.
This house in which my family and I have lived for a little over two years was the I’m-pregnant-with-my-second-child-and-we-need-a-bigger-space-house. To peek inside this window a little more: We rushed into it. And probably not surprising, almost immediately, my husband and I missed our prior home.
The prior home was super small. It was cozy. The new house was a lot of space. It required longer drives. Oddly, it came with a smaller yard. Looking back, we thought bigger was better and saw the grass greener on the other side.
When I remember the two-and-a-half years we spent at this house to which we’re about to say goodbye, three words come to mind: hectic, tired, and guilty. Guilty because I worked full time with two very young kids. Though I loved my job, I didn’t love being away from my children five days a week. Also, trying to balance full time work with raising two little ones felt overwhelming to me. I was tired from sleepless nights taking care of my daughter as a newborn. Schedules were hectic. Dinners were fly by the seat of my pants. It was a merry-go-round of go, go, go.
Not to say we didn’t have good memories too at the home. Many were great. We had moments of pure unedited family time and really nice dinners at the kitchen table. I will always remember the sweet sounds of my 2 kiddos laughing and playing together. I will remember holidays, snuggles on the couch here, and lots and lots of love throughout the home. Isn’t peculiar, however, that even with all that love, sometimes, a home just still doesn’t quite feel like, well, “home”?
In preparation for the big move we sold, donated, and gave away a lot of STUFF. This is rather momentous if you’ve ever purged a home. On one hand it feels so good to get rid of clothes we didn’t wear anymore, toys the kids didn’t use, and furniture we no longer had space for. On the flip side, it isn’t always easy to part with “stuff”. Over and over, I have reminded myself that it is not about the what in the house that matters, it is about the who. We definitely got rid of a lot of the what.
So, as someone about to close a chapter in her life and open another, I am finding myself in a rather strange place. A high-emotion place. Everything feels like the last time at the house – the last time I watch my daughter do the monkey bars, the last time I give the kids a bath in my big tub, the last meal at our large comfortable kitchen table. There is a sense of sadness associated with these so-called lasts. However, this sadness is met with feelings of excitement too. Excitement over moving to a new home in a neighborhood we have always adored. Excitement to be closer to my job, as well my husband’s work. We are excited that this move will place us closer to friends and my son gets to attend a super public school.
At the same time, this move marks a major change outside the 4 walls of our home too.
At the start of the new school year, I will not returning to work as a teacher in the classroom. It was a much thought-over, prayed-over, and meditated over decision. My job is officially changing as I get to live my dream of being the founder of Soul Readings and Yoga.
Wow. A new home and a new job. That’s a lot of change.
So I ask myself, why does change have to be so difficult at times? This is where yoga and all the beautiful, wonderful mantras we practice (hopefully daily) can come into play! How? Here are 5 ways:
- Balance. Like the yin to a yang, emotions can be polar yet complimentary too. I must give myself permission to feel both happiness and sadness with this move. We are so quick to want to polarize our emotions, but it doesn’t have to be so black and white. It is possible to balance both the happy and the sad, the good with the bad, the light with the darkness, the hope with the despair.
- Acceptance. I want to learn to accept my feelings more. All of them. Rather than being quick to judge and criticize myself for not feeling the way I expect myself to feel, I want to embrace how I do feel.
- Let Go. At the risk of sounding like Elsa (if you don’t know who Elsa is, just spend 5 minutes with my 2-year-old ) just let it go. There is a sense of false comfort in trying to control something we really have no control over. As soon as I let go of the past, I open myself to the beauty of the present moment.
- Be in the Present. I wonder how many present moments I miss because I’m stuck in the past or too busy thinking about the future. Being in the present is not easy, but when you are able to allow yourself to do such, it can be a game-changer. I do believe you see more, feel more, give more, and receive more when you allow yourself to be in the present. I often convince myself to say (and believe) Life is beautiful and mysterious, and for today, I am willing to embrace it all.
- Love Yourself. This might be more difficult than the move itself for some people. I am giving you permission, however, and myself permission, to love ourselves. To love and to be loved, you must first love yourself. I truly believe that. This does not mean you must be selfish or self-centered. I have come to realize that loving me is okay. In fact, it is preferred.
So as the days have grown closer to my family’s big move, I am focused on five principles of my faithful yoga : Balance, Acceptance, the ability to Let it Go, to Be in the Present, and to Love Thyself. Through these principles, I’ve been able to get on my mat and
run throughtrudge through poses that normally are so fun. I have attempted to meditate. I have reached out to those I feel safe talking with about all these emotions involved with a big move, and most importantly, I’ve put my faith in the hands of something bigger and more powerful than me. As I say goodbye to this home and turn the key in a new one, I say goodbye to a part of me that I now realize I no longer really need. In turn, I get to embrace a new part of myself that is perhaps stronger, wiser, more confident, and healthier. Maybe this move is symbolic of something much bigger and deeper than I realized. Maybe life is just like that.
Love & Peace,